Jack,
First let me say sorry for the situation with your loved one. I am dealing with a very similar shit storm myself. I am at a point where I am starting to feel the same way you do in regards to being on the same team(help me or you are in the way statement). If you are on the same team you have a common goal and should help each other as a TEAM to achieve that goal. If you have not written your goals and expectation of/from your relationship down before I encourage you to. Ask her to write down what her relationship goals are and how does she plan to achieve those goals. Does she want to get married and have little Jacksters running around, buy a new car, add on to the house... What ever the scenario simply ask her how she plans to achieve those goals. If you two do not have the same goals and the same route to achieve those goals then you are correct in your statement that she may be in your way. I am in no way indicating that is my belief because I simply have no opinion in regards to that part. Being on the same page pertaining to goals I feel is a very monumental part of a relationship. If an individual doesn't want the same things out of life as his/her partner does.... They may have a very rough row to hoe... JMO

I wish you luck in finding quick resolution to your problems.

Eric